jess the mess

Wed, 21 Jun 2006 18:51:06 GMT

i guess i'm pretty horrible at updating but haha better not , rather not.
things are okay!

Sun, 11 Jun 2006 14:38:23 GMT

my moods have been insane but thats not unusual. i'm still really mad at myself but i've had a wonderful weekend with friends <3

hiya.

Fri, 09 Jun 2006 12:35:32 GMT

hey guys, not too much has been new. today should be pretty fun, i have to get through this hellhole which is otherwise known as school, then go to some dumb appointment but then i get to hang out with good friends and bobby ( <3 ). it's always a good friday. this morning the latest starbucks product, iced coffee in a pretty tall can for just 2 dollars or so made my entire morning. just knowing i did not have to use the gross machine and lug around a big gulp sized cup of iced coffee made my day. it was in a tall slim can and it was great, hahaha.

i've come to terms with a lot of shit, i'm an idiot there's no doubt about it but i'm working on it.
i am currently very pissed at myself, i haven't been feeling too good with myself at all lately and i can feel myself slipping backwards at a rapid pace now. and i know it's because i realized certain things and have become so angry with myself.

Sun, 04 Jun 2006 19:45:43 GMT

i'm returning back to myself, or at least realzing so much. well, i did that awhile ago but i've been acting like myself a lot more so things aren't so crazy.

this weekend was pretty chill i'd have to say.

Sat, 03 Jun 2006 21:01:16 GMT

this aint party time its army time

Wed, 31 May 2006 19:41:28 GMT

ahhh damn, i'm fine, sorry i had a ... spaz out for a bit.

Sat, 27 May 2006 19:20:12 GMT

i can't believe i make such a fool of myself sometimes, it's very disappointing. sometimes things slip out of my mouth before i can stop them, especially when i get nervous around certain people already. i must come off so ridiculous sometimes.

wow, tonight's the night i've been waiting for , for like ... i don't know i guess a week. but it should be mad funny.

i wish i would stop feeling so vulnerable, this wasn't supposed to happen and i wasn't supposed to feel these feelings anymore, and it's been so long since i've had a stupid crush on a boy that i can't even act right. fuck two year relationships, i also had a dream about paul last night and i wish i could just forget about him too because, well i don't have any feelings for him anymore but i really wish that we could still be friends. he told me when i broke up with him right from the start he wouldn't be able to be just friends with me and that he had to detatch himself and i guess, well i guess i'll never really speak to him again unless for some reason he comes back to the high school next year but i won't be the one to approach him.

i think i just need to get laid.

haha, it's true.

ROCK PAPER SCISSORS WEEDIES TONIGHT PEACE OUT.

Sat, 27 May 2006 02:34:09 GMT

hi, my computer got taken away again so anytime i'm online it's because i'm using eric's computer. things have been okay i guess. nothing earth shattering is new.

whateva

Sun, 21 May 2006 21:25:33 GMT

hmm, so my life only ocnsists of getting high and doing other fun stuff with friends which isn't really a problem.

fuck clown ass niggas and people who are such goddamn liars.

fuck people who try and be your friend, and do fucked up shit behind your bakc and expect you not to find out. bitch if you're gonna fuck me over don't pretend we're cool because we're not.

i could spit in about half the people i know faces. i am so sick of dumb cunts and dumb jackasses that fuck with me, it's over it's done i'm being pushed to the limit and this is where it ends. i don't owe anyone a motherfucking thing so i can just drop out right now.

still love blunts tho.

Mon, 15 May 2006 20:01:58 GMT

today i saw my life shatter into a million pieces all over my science classroonm floor.

rip my bowl ♥

uhm

Sun, 14 May 2006 13:20:19 GMT

shit changes now.
things can absolutley not stay the same.

i hate all of lasts nights feelings and how i feel now.
never again.

Sat, 13 May 2006 23:35:20 GMT

uhm, why do people like to fuck with me, i really want a response.

whatever though.

tomorrow i'm chillen with mah homie eric dwyer and we'll have mad fuuunn. last night i chilled with priya + other chill kids and i had fun.

tonight i'm chillen with xstina, and smokin mad blunts.

PZ out.

Sat, 13 May 2006 12:25:20 GMT

uh, i'm feeling kind of repulssive or something :[

Fri, 12 May 2006 02:29:39 GMT

today ruled .
tomorrow will too.

Wed, 10 May 2006 00:00:12 GMT

i dont know,i'm bored.

Tue, 09 May 2006 20:28:53 GMT

damn....i thought this shit had stopped but i guess people still love to fuck with me.

Tue, 09 May 2006 01:09:18 GMT

aside from family feuds, lifes been good. now i'm just trying to be patient for my beautiful of beautifuls to get here to me. i wish i knew when that was happening.

math average = 70, fuck yeah. and damn, i need a cigarette!

Sat, 06 May 2006 15:26:39 GMT

tonight if everything works out should be wonderful. last night was pretty nice, got high with a couple of friends and took some shots.i've been almost living at eric's house lately, i'm scared his family is going to start to resent me if they don't already,heh.i hope i get to see sean today,haha. i'm such an idiot. the last full day of school is june 13th so that's not even that far away. i can not wait until summer! i don't even care if i have to go to summer school, i just can not wait!

cinco de mayo ruled.

Sat, 06 May 2006 15:22:36 GMT

so i don't even know what i'm doing anymore.
things aren't that bad.
things aren't that great.
i've been chillen with eric and sue, and even sam yesterday and that was a good time.i'll be back there later, and tonight if everything goes as planned should be wonderful.
ahhh, i can picture myself writing a long drawn out entry later so beware.
i really hope i get to see sean today ;x.
i'm such an idiot.

Fri, 05 May 2006 11:08:29 GMT

oh boy, yesterday was mad funny,haha.
i like kisses!

Tue, 02 May 2006 01:23:31 GMT

wow uhm, i dont know what possesed me to write such a long ass random entry before, or the fact that i'm writing in my lame ass online journal for the third time today.

too many emotions today that's for sure. so not like me, i never really feel anything lately, ,but i guess all the shit i've done in the last 24 hours made me feel like that.

tomorrow should be nice, if everything goes as planned.

Mon, 01 May 2006 21:28:14 GMT

i'm just in such a good mood, and the fact that i'm ridiculously bored, that i'm going to write more about my day or week or something since my journal is all mainly one line sentences or a couple of sentences.

uhm, i guess that's just because lately my attitude is just sort of " i don't give a fuck, i'd rather ignore it" which sometimes is not so great. only because it usually kicks me in the ass in the future.

hmm, i guess so far i had an okay day, because it sucked before then got fine and it'll be fun later too if things work out. let's see, i woke up with a headache and still so tired from last night (i guess i smoked too much and then shouldnt have drank almost all my 40) because i ended up getting really sick all up on nats driveway. i felt really bad actually, but i dont think i would have made it to the bathroom. but anyway, yeah so about today, i was also freezing this morning, and had no cigarettes which my mom also then told me she wouldnt be buying me again until tomorrow night.dont get me wrong, im grateful she buys me any cigarettes any time of the week, it just didnt put me in any better mood because i get irritable if i dont have a cigarette before school because its all i think about all day.uhhhhh, so i got to school,and art class was okay because i just sort of sat there and chilled because i hate the project we're working on right now, so i just made a collage on a folder because it was more fun and i had to carry around a better looking folder for the art work we were getting back(i only half-liked one out of the four projects i got back,and i just suck at art unfortunately :[ ). i had taken a few of something i probably shouldnt have 20 minutes before first period and before the second period bell rang i was starting to feel really on edge, and freaking out a little. yeah so i got to math and mr.h was being a cunt, and wouldnt sign my pass so that freaked me out more, and i was starting to get really jittery and sensitive,and i started thinking about how bad my morning was and then i thought it could have been worse, so i got mad at myself and i don't know, i was just doubting myself and not really paying attention, which mr.h noticied so i then paid or tried to pay(he's terribly boring and monotone all the time)attention to what he was talking about(which i already knew, even though i failed the test :| haha, no i dont understand the venn diagram little shits). Erm, so yeah my stomache was killing me and i really didnt feel good at all by the time second period ended and i got lunch and i just really needed to talk to a friend because i hadnt talked to anyone yet, except for some quick headnods and "what ups" in the hallways, so i just talked a lot with priya and jodi.priya also helped me out and i defintely appreciated that. so by the time lunch ended i was feeling alot better and was just ready to go to sleep, but i actually did everything i had to in science because i was just feeling nice. uhm, then during the next period[lab] i just talked with the other girls in science, and so i guess we all have to make up labs tonight but im almost positive my whole class did nothing too.then ugh, english which ... actually she let me sleep the whole period because my class is reading "lord of the flies" which i already read because she assigned me to read that when i was out of school, and i already did the packet they're doing for homework. so hey, i might just be chillen in english for awhile. okay after english i tried to sneak into 7th period but i got nervous and shit and didnt want to get a detention if she caught me while i was in there, but she was creeping right in the middle of the cafeteria like always so i didnt bother. so i tried sleeping in spanish but the sub we have sucks and was threatening to send me out,along with two other kids who were napping and so i was just like whatever and just did nothing really but try and not fall asleep. uhm 8th period just was boring and my teacher was too loud today and we watched a wrestling movie about our schools team. how are all wrestlers not gay? they probably secretly are,defintely you should see some of the moves they do to each other.
but whatever, after school i just laid down listening to music and dozing off.
chilled with christina and jenn and blazed a nice L. So now i'm just chillen.
still mad tired.

this was SOOO long, hahaha. i was so bored i think it took me like 41 minutes to write a really boring entry.

holluh

Mon, 01 May 2006 20:54:17 GMT

today was really fucking weird, but i feel a lot better now.

lets hope its another smoke two blunt kinda day.

maybe ill feel nice enough to do anything.

oh and priya thanks for saving me in lunch today!

Sun, 30 Apr 2006 13:00:34 GMT

what the fuck ever.

Sat, 29 Apr 2006 18:46:49 GMT

oh boy, i think i took too many of those sweet pills.

or maybe you cant take too many.

haha, today is gonna rule, i think.